“If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting the rest of our lives.”

I thought I was ready. Ready to leave my family, my friends, my life as I knew it. I kept saying “It is only 10 months!”. Turns out, I was not ready.

I was waiting to write my next blog post until I felt “okay”, until I was out of this funk. But to be honest, from this point forward there is a definite possibility of me having more stressful days than “okay” days. Then last night as I was laying in bed I remembered the quote that is now my title, “If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting the rest of our lives.” Thank you Lemony Snicket for those words of wisdom.

Here is a little insight into my life thus far. We have completed a week and a half of school. In that week and a half I have had three instances of children bawling because of something another child said. I have had one white out pen explosion. One fight between my boys and the boys of 5th grade over futbol (soccer). One blue ink pen explosion. One child with blood all over his shirt from another child during a soccer match at lunch. One child who refuses to do any work a majority of the time due to severe behavioral issues. That same child who happens to be the leader of the class so now all the boys in my class seem to think it is alright to lay your head on your desk and not do anything. We’ve had numerous visitors in our classroom (wasps, bees, geckos, etc.) We just had our first test and it was in Math class. The class average was a 12 out of 20. Some of them did poorly because they do not understand math (hey I feel them there!). But some of them did poorly because they just didn’t feel like doing portions of the test. Most of my boys have little to no respect for me as authority and will straight up tell me no to my face. They don’t listen, they won’t listen. And the worst part of all of it is that I cannot make them DO anything. Sure I can threaten to send them to the administration but they are not scared of administration or the demerits system. Most of these children have no respect for my property that I have bought to use in my classroom. They rip things down off the walls, touch everything all the time to the point it falls off the walls. And in my mind the worst of all, is that I cannot trust a majority of my children because most of them have lied TO MY FACE about various things. Sometimes they will lie to me about not having a book or notebook. Then when I look through their desks and bags their books and notebooks magically appear. And lastly, these kids are not just kids that do kid things like talk, scream, hit, etc. they say deliberately mean and hurtful things to me and about me. But most of the time I cannot understand them because they say them in Spanish.

So here is where I am at personally. I know that I am only a week and a half into it, so please don’t tell me that “Things will get better, just give it time.” because I am already aware that is a possibility. However, there is also the possibility that things will not get better. They may just continue to get worse. So let us not be overly optimistic or pessimistic. Let’s just agree that none of us know if things will get better or worse! Secondly, the way things are going right now it is not worth it to me to miss out on an entire 11 months of time and laughs with my friends and family. So if things don’t shape up soon, and if I don’t get some support and action from the administration then I am contemplating being done in December. With that being said, also please don’t tell me, “don’t give up.” because to me it’s not giving up. The way I see it, the truth of the matter is that my class needs a male teacher. Due to cultural factors, and personality factors I believe that my class need a male teacher in order to be able to attain the success between student and teacher that is needed for a successful classroom. Because even though these children literally drive me to tears most days, I want what is best for them and I do not think that I am what is best for them. Could I stay and teach other grades? ABSOLUTELY! I have a very successful time with my 8th and 9th grade Bible classes! And I am helping prepare a couple of the 12th graders for their TOEFL test to get into the States for college, and I absolutely love them and helping them prepare! And I do well with them!

So in conclusion, things are rough. Classroom management is hard to achieve due to the lack of respect and the constant flow of broken rules. Everyday I feel like a glorified babysitting service.

On a positive note, I have made some great friends here! The other teachers have been huge blessings in my life and I have really connected with a couple of them on a much deeper level than just coworkers. I also love La Union! I still love the community, LOVE THE COFFEE, LOVE THE MOUNTAINS. Sometimes walking around town I will stop and just look at the landscape. Every once and awhile if the light is hitting the mountains just right it looks like the backdrop from a movie! But then when I realize that it is actually where I am living I stand in awe for a moment.

Also one of my roommates (Emily) and I started a comical video series called #historyteachersinhonduras! So be watching for those on Facebook. Just a disclaimer though, THE VIDEO’S FACTS ARE COMPLETELY FAKE! They are purely for your enjoyment 🙂

Prayer Requests/Positive Thoughts to the Universe On Behalf of Me:

-That my attitude’s towards my children would continue to stay in check.

-That I would be at peace with…well everything.

-That I would continue to not get sick! Most of my housemates have a cold right now/half the kids at school are hacking up a lung currently.

-That my current health issues (aka adjusting to the food) will get resolved soon.

-That my emotions will remain in check. I’ve done pretty well so far at not being too emotional, which is REALLY impressive given the circumstances!

-And obviously, the school and students at Abundant Life Christian Schools. Especially my 6th grade classroom.

-Lastly, the administration at ALCS. That they seek direction from God on how to take action about the current issues at the school (not only in my classroom).

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3 thoughts on ““If we wait until we’re ready, we’ll be waiting the rest of our lives.”

  1. Picture Julie Andrews in the Sound of Music 🙂 those darn VanTrap kids have her a run as well…sometimes kids push because they don’t think you care enough to stay, so they push hard to make your departure come sooner than later. That said, culturally they likely would benefit from a male teacher.

  2. Lynae, I SO feel for you. Kids at that age are mean–I’m sure your boys are mean in a different way than my girls, but 6th graders are 6th graders. Dang teeny-boppers! But you know, I don’t see leaving in December as quitting. I would be thinking the exact same thing if I were you, so I think it’s a perfectly human way of thinking.
    I’ll continue praying for you and all your thee requests! Life is rough, but God is good.

  3. God qualifies the Called, not calls the qualified. Give it time before you judge your readiness! Almost all missionaries go through this at some point. Find people to talk to… Write about things you are grateful for at LEAST 2x per week, especially those that catch you by surprise. It will help. Don’t start a “back to Egypt” story in your mind. There are good kids and people all over the globe. The suckiness you are feeling is the loss of horizon at sea- meaning you loose sight of success because you don’t have a horizon to look at. Believe it or not, this is good! You get to write new parameters for yourself and your students. Set a few super small goals… Then you will know you are moving forward.

    Buna Noapte,

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