A Raw Confession

Have you ever had so many words, thoughts, and feelings in your mind all at once that you could not make a cohesive sentence to save your life?

That is exactly where I have been for the last few weeks. I have sat down three or four times to write a blog, but I was never happy with the product so I just deleted it. I know that none of you expect my blogs to be perfect, but I expect more out of myself. So I am VERY sorry that it has taken so long for me to update all of you.

The Business Side

We just got back from a 4 day weekend for Thanksgiving. The administration of Abundant Life Christian Schools put on a Thanksgiving dinner for all the American teachers in Gracias, Lempira. So we were there Thursday night. Then Friday and Saturday morning we were in Copan! While we were there we got to see the Mayan ruins which was an absolute dream come true! So much history in such an inconspicuous place, it was absolutely beautiful and so powerful! I will try to attach some pictures here for those of you that have not seen any on Facebook.

Other than that it has been business as usual here in La Union. Get up in the mornings, make myself a peanut butter tortilla and go to school! However, I stopped paying to have my lunches made for me so I have been exploring the cooking world here in La Union. All that means is that I have been eating a lot of meat and cheese sandwiches and pasta. BUT in my defense I have had to get creative with making pasta sauces! So I am learning to cook a bit more. Also, a couple weeks ago I made homemade from scratch Cinnamon Rolls for my girls who came over to hang out and they were DELICIOUS! Wife material? I think yes!

On that same note, in case some of you have not seen I have met a special someone and I am thoroughly enjoying getting to know him! He is a great man of God, and although we have not met in person he continues to be a positive force in my life! And I definitely need that in my life! I will continue to keep you all updated on that as it goes along.

The Deep Side (Two Things)

Number One

I am no where near perfect. I never have been, and I definitely never will be! Now, I know this and God knows this. But what I continue to feel is that others forget that. Especially my kids. I continue to mess up. However, I was reading through Hebrews 11 (NLT) the other day when God hit me over the head with this realization. I am not called to be perfect, I am just called to obey. God has called me here for whatever reason, and here I am. I am allowing Him to do what He needs to do just by being here. However, part of that is allowing Him to do the work he needs to do. Sometimes I forget that I am not in control. I have a hard time giving up control of everything. But if I do not continue to give up control on a daily basis then I will only end up drowning with nobody around to catch me. So instead, I pray daily (usually more than once) that God take control. Because if I did not continue to pray that, my life and my classroom would look much different.

I would like to give a shout out to my home church Pella United Methodist Church! They are partnering with my class to give each student of mine a Christmas present, and I am absolutely SO proud to call them my church! My kids have enjoyed hearing about my home church (as well as my family and friends) since the beginning of the year so having my two worlds connect is an absolutely beautiful thing!

Number Two

We recently finished our first of four partials. So we had Parent-Teacher conferences. Which let me tell you was even scarier than my first day of school! You just never know how a child’s parents are going to react when you tell them “Hey your child is great and all but let me tell you a couple things that really need work.” Which to be honest, I only really had a handful of kids who I really needed to talk to their parents about behavior and other issues…BUT STILL. To quote one of my roomates (Emily) “OH MY GLOB” THAT WAS SO SCARY. And it was! But luckily I have a super awesome friend who gave me some great advice the night before (Thanks Katie Larson!)

However, after conferences I came home and cried for literally two hours. In my bedroom just crying. Now, I am not telling you this because I want sympathy. I tell you this because at our Bible Study two nights later, there was a quote read that went something like this “Pay attention to those moments of unexplained tears because those will tell you where your hearts lie.” Those two hours after my conferences was one of those unexplained tears. I love these kids so much more than I ever thought possible! I never could have imagined how emotionally invested I am. But I love these kids. So now I find myself in a predicament. The good ole battle of flesh verses faith. My flesh does not want to come back, there is absolutely NO WAY I want to miss out on another ten months of my family. I do not want to miss my nieces growing up, my cousins having children, my parents and all there craziness, weddings, etc. But at the same time I absolutely cannot imagine not coming back for these kids. Folks, we are only through 1/4 of this school year and these kids are already writing me letters to try to convince me to come back next year. They love me, and by golly I love them!

In that moment of unexplained tears the Lord has shown me where my hearts lie, and clearly has shown me what I should do and where I should be. However, that makes me nervous because there would need to be some changes made in order for me to feel comfortable coming back to this school. BUT if those changes were made there would be absolutely nothing holding me back! Again, God has control of each of these situations. Now I just have to jump off the pedestal to allow God room to do His work. If only it were that easy right?

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