It is only a mistake if you do not learn from it. If you have learned from the situation then it is merely a lesson.

I have come up with this phrase over years of making many, MANY mistakes. One such mistake that I have continued to make is not living for today, and not living for now. The Lord has convicted me recently about the fact that I am harboring resentment and that is taking away from my time here in Honduras. I do not resent anyone in particular, but I do hold resentment. I resent that Honduras has taken me away from those I love. I resent that Honduras has made my life much more complicated than I feel necessary. I resent that Honduras has allowed life to go on without me in the United States when I just want it to stop so I do not miss anything. I resent that this country has made me fall in love and even consider coming back. Mostly, I resent Honduras for making me realize that I am simply trying to run away.

I have been under the impression for quite some time (starting my junior year of college) that if I went off to some foreign land after graduation and served those less privileged than myself I could somehow escape all of my own issues. Or maybe, just maybe, God would somehow erase all those issues because I am doing His work. Makes sense right? Wrong, so very wrong.

Not saying that God is not on my side in this, I believe that He is pleased with where I am at and what I am doing. However, I believe he is also laughing at the fact that I was dumb enough to think I could run away. I imagine Him saying something like, “Did you not listen in Sunday School growing up? Jonah tried this once, and look how that ended up!” You want to know something? Many days I feel as though I have been swallowed by a big ole whale. Not a small dolphin, a massive blue whale (according to Google this is the biggest species).

It is so easy on the worst days to resent being here. But God has convicted me that even if I only spend a year here I need to live each day to the fullest. Live every day as if it is my last, love each student as if they were my own child. So I have been working on that, but let me tell you it is not easy. As I have found out though, God never promises it is going to be easy. In fact, I have tried to find a verse in the Bible stating that life would be easy I have not found it yet! SO if you find it, please let me know!

If you want to know how you can help me, prayers. It is really that simple. Pray often and pray hard. God speed!


One thought on “Mistakes

  1. I knew it was going to be hard. You are in a 3rd world country. Do you not feel though that doing with little or no luxuries has made you a much better person. Just think you can truthfully say you know how it feels. Love and GOD is really all you need. Do you have the chance to wear sandles and a toga? Sometimes in the weather that is all you want. Think about what you have and will learn. You are doing great and I am praying for you always. I think you look like you have grown from the pictures. I will know for sure in a couple of weeks. LOVE

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